Messy Mind

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*WARNING: Rant coming up. It’ll be a mess*

I think we all like to think that we are unique, right?

Each one of us is different?

I guess it’s just so hard for me to see that when I’m around herds so often..
Highly extroverted people. People who if you sat them in their bedroom, alone, for a day, they’d absolutely lose their mind. They NEED the social interaction.

I know I shouldn’t judge. I shouldn’t think harshly. But it is soooo so hard for me.

Meanwhile on their side, they judge. They have absolutely no way of understanding what it’s like.

“Why is she like that? Why does she want to be alone? What’d we do? Etc”

I just want to be alone. All the time.

I’ve managed to build myself up to where if I NEED to interact with someone, I don’t get as freaked out as I used to.

Well, why are YOU like that?

Why do you feel the constant need to run with this herd? Are you not capable of existing on your own??

To be honest, it makes me resent them.

Just leave me alone. Please.

Tonight, our extroverted roommate sat us 3 down to have a talk. About how his ridiculously social friends were worried about the baby and how we will be when we have the baby and they’re around.
The whole time he was talking, all I could think was “This is such bullshit lol”

They’re here every, fucking, weekend. Partying. Loud as fuck.

And he sat there making it sound like them partying here, was a NECESSITY. That we needed to find a way so that we would all be comfortable with it. While all of us basically implied, “we could do without the partying every weekend” . But it went unheard.

As always. This is why I fucking hate roommate situations. It always goes like this. I go unheard. Even though I don’t ask a lot. And I make myself very clear. Be a fucking adult. Have respect for the people you are living with.

No offense, but we have MORE at stake dude. We are a couple, having a fucking baby. And trying to get a life going together. We can’t afford to live on our own just yet, which is why we need roommates. Your ridiculous social life is not a debate. It’s respect and common fucking sense. You wanna party all the time??? Take it somewhere else. Not where there is a fucking child.

Among these feelings, I end up wanting near nothing to do with his friends.. which I don’t want it to be that way, but I seriously, can’t help it.

I guess I will just continue to go unheard.. as usual.

All I want is a place where me, my husband, and children can live. That is safe and they’re wants and needs are met.

Having respectful, intelligent roommates, shouldn’t be too much to ask but, then again, I have learned this lesson many times before.

*sigh* what was I thinking..

I want to run away.

But I cannot. Very, very sadly. I need to figure out what the hell to do.

Because I’ll be fucking damned if my kids come into this.

In the midst of these feelings, I am starting to feel possessive. MY kids. No I don’t want them around your friends all the time. No, they will not be an influence. Fuck that. No, you can’t hold my baby. No, I don’t want to bring the baby over to your friends.

No no no no no no no… fucking, no dude!

Current mood: Want to go on a long ass walk and scream.

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